a heavy hurt

this momma's eyes are swollen from crying...
my heart is heavy
it is true that it breaks a momma's heart to see their baby hurt
it is the heaviest hurt I know
not quite sure what happened tonight, I'll let the doctor's figure that out, peace in knowing the Great Physician is always in control, even when my world is spinning out of control.
I held her head against my chest, kissed her damp hair, turned the lights dim while she shivered and cried, sometimes screaming, she said I sounded far away as hard as I try to understand I don't...
I don't know how she feels...
For all the times she is so full of life, so vibrant and happy
this feels so broken, so lonely, so heavy
I don't know where her mind is when it happens...
I don't know how she feels,
I just know it is a heavy hurt...
she screams that her tummy hurts, her throat, everything hurts
and I want to scream at the thought that I can't fix it for her, I can't take away her pain or make her hear me any clearer.
I'm right here baby, but to her I'm so far away...
I feel her heart racing under my hand
she prays
asking God to make her tummy stop hurting, she pleads with God to let her just fall asleep, she lays on the bathroom floor praying and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders...
what parent wouldn't?
I pray
we sit on the bathroom floor and I hold her tight
I pray harder
wrapping my arms around her chest, we breath together for a while and then she settles,
her heart rate decreases and she calms down,
she can hear me again and I carry her to her bed...
I thank God for answering her prayers for sleep and I ask for some sleep too.