a little thing...

Sometimes it is the ever smallest things that I find myself thankful for...

such small things that seem so big...

we were told more than likely her teeth would be damaged...

the damage is from the cerebral palsy...

her back teeth came in with no enamel,

which makes them look like old bones,

which causes sensitivity, to a child with sensory processing disorder this makes brushing her teeth and dental visits -sometimes unbearable.

She calls them her 'sweet teeth' because they "hurt" when she eats something sweet, hot or cold...

I remember the first time I noticed them, I was brushing her teeth...

I gasped and it was all I could do to smile and her and tell her she had big girl teeth and I couldn't wait to show them to daddy.. and the dentist...

I am used to it now, but seeing those pearly whites next to brown and yellow bones was initially quite shocking.

a little girl at church always runs to me, so excited to tell me about her lost teeth and the new ones that are growing in... I smile and share her joy but can't help but wonder...

 what about my little girl...

when those four missing teeth grow in will they be dark? will they hurt?

And this weekend...

the first tooth is emerging from the gums... and from what I can see... it appears to be a normal color!!!

I never imagined I would be praying, thanking Him for teeth... or even the portion of the tooth that I can see... I was so happy... one down... lots more to go...

but thanking Him for a healthy tooth... because sometimes it's the little things.

I dream of...

I homeschool. 

A statement I never thought I would make. 

Ask me about me 10 years ago and I never imagined I would be a homeschooling parent. 

My how time changes things. 

I also never imagined I would be homeschooling a special needs child. 

The victories outweigh the challenges, most days. 

I find comfort, confidence and strength in homeschooling my own. 

I have challenged myself in ways I never imagined possible and no doubt I've found myself flat on my face asking God for the strength because I knew I couldn't do it without him. 

They were a gift God gave to me. They are His children and He entrusted them to me during this time they spend on Earth, I take this gift serious and in all things I do what I believe is best for them. 

I also know homeschooling is not for everyone. 

But it is for us. 

I do have days, days when I dream about the school bus driver, thank you MckMama for that. 

But like I said before I never imagined I would homeschool a special needs child... and for those of us with special needs children, we know the struggles that can occur in the school system for our exceptional children and in honor of those of us homeschooling special needs children... 

I dream of the school bus driver no more- now, 

I dream of.... 

the occupational therapist...

(or physical therapist or maybe even speech therapist, but this season in our lives it's the occupational therapist)

When I see that white car pull into our driveway I feel the peace come over me. 

Not only does this mean help with my wild woman but it means for the next two hours there will be another adult in my house...

Another person to keep a watchful eye...

an adult to love on and support my girl...

another person to help get through the tasks of the day that can seem so overwhelming to my girl... 

someone who understands that her loud voice and inability to focus is not because she is choosing to misbehave...

someone who recognizes the small triumphs...

a person who my daughter loves spending time with...

our OT is the one I dream of. 

It can be a lonely road homeschooling a special needs child, it isn't something all homeschooling parents understand... I notice the strange looks when I talk about creating a multi-sensory environment and concern with the development of fine motor skills, but this is our life and I wouldn't change a thing... except maybe our OT would come five days a week instead of two. 

Thanks Miss Denise, we love you!!! 

be "good" Christian

There are people on this Earth who believe that they can tell when someone is a "good" Christian because they will not have struggles, they will not have financial stress, they will not have children with special needs, they will not have illness and God will bless them because they are "good".

For my child's health complications are not results of my sins. Our misfortune is not the result of a vengeful God teaching us a lesson. Rather a faithful Father directing our paths during time of trial. We seek Him in every storm and through our struggles we lean on Him and that is where our strength is found. 

For the life of me I cannot understand...

Some of those people are in my family, some of those people I go to church with, some of them I call friends, some of them I call acquaintances, some of them I don't know and some of them live worlds away from me. 

But there are people like that. 

I'm shocked to realize this truth and honestly I have no words. 

Oh yes,  let me tell you, God blesses me, blessing abound for my riches are not on this Earth, 
they are in heaven, that I am certain.

I may not understand this thinking but I know my Father 

and in all the suffering and in the midst of the hurts of this world he comforts me, 

His words bring peace to my soul. 

the same

We were sitting at the hospital... waiting, that's what we do when we go to the hospital, we wait.

I was over hearing some nurses talking about their children playing sports, 

home runs, dribbling and soccer goals

Apparently report cards had just come out and little Johnny got all A's

We waited and I found myself in Holland

seeing other's coming and going from Italy and bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.

I had to get my mind right, rejoice with them in the joys of their children

and then I told them about mine...

She is a math genius and loves counting,

She is learning to read, it's a slow process but since discovering sign language she is making great strides, 

upon the discovery of pencil grippers the rigidity in her hands seem to be much better and her handwriting is improving. 

she is starting speech therapy and we are hoping communication will be come more clear, 

She is responding to interventions and smiles more than she used too.

The joy is the same, the pride is the same, 

the stories are different but still the same

random thoughts

meeting up with some friends last week...

I know that most people don't understand her the way I do 

I don't expect them to understand

call me crazy but I do expect my child to be treated with dignity and respect, as I would for any child.

I saw her go out of her comfort zone,

 reach out to another 

and to witness that gesture so ill received... 

The mother lion in me wanted to attack,

I took a deep breath and prayed for compassion. 

Lord, let me show this child compassion to set an example for them, 

let me not treat them they way they treated her. 

My heart broke into a million pieces

I'm sure it will happen again. 

I know it will happen because people don't understand.

I was grateful because she didn't understand the teasing.

But in some ways that made it hurt worse. 

to hear them call her "weird" right in front of her face 

and maybe they weren't taught how to treat others, how we are all different, but we are all important. 

Lord, let me see them through your eyes, 

If I am going to do this right,

I must seek to be more like You... 

I'm learning...

learning how to accept the things that I cannot change.
learning the difference between won't and can't.
learning to push beyond the won't and accept the can't.
learning to believe in me, believe in her.
learning to trust that God has a plan, even when I can't see where this path is taking me.
learning to ask for help.
learning to advocate.
learning to understand in a whole new way.
learning that some people may never understand.
learning that this can be a lonely path but there are other weary travelers.
learning that there is beauty in everything
learning that I was wrong.
learning that in life we will be wrong it's what we do to make it right.
learning that I will never stop learning...